What’s the deal with Shep Rose and the next season of ‘Southern Charm’?

It’s fall, which means two things for sure in the Lowcountry: one, at the first sign of 70 degrees, women will start breaking out their horse stall chic looks and two, the show that righteous South Carolinians (good morning, Isle of Palms!) blame for “ruining Charleston’s reputation” will begin its reign of filming terror in every downtown bar that can afford to cut a deal with Bravo for some air time.

Oh, “Southern Charm,” how I needed a break from you ... it’s way too soon to re-engage.

I’m so groggy.

I’m not kidding. When my phone started blowing up earlier this week with news that Landon Clements was for sure leaving the show, my brain pretended not to remember who that was.

Landon is the name of a J. Crew skort color.

It’s brownish.

When I saw that Shep Rose posted a picture with Dorinda Medley from “Real Housewives of New York” on Instagram yesterday, I half-heartedly whispered to myself “I wonder if she made it nice for him” and then I quickly slammed the door on any further thought.

I bet she really did make it nice for him, though. She’s like that.

Anyway, I have no choice but to think about “Southern Charm” right now. Thank you, FitsNews.com, with your “source close to Rose.”

But really, thank you, Will Folks. My Shep sources only tell me he was a jerk to them once.

Will Folks’ news? Shep, Hilton Head Island’s most famous former resident next to the big red Irma buoy that grown men like to ride as if it doesn’t look like they’re at a ding-dong rodeo, apparently hasn’t yet signed on for a season five.

GASP.

FAINT.

WAKE UP FRENCH-KISSING MICHAEL THE BUTLER.

I promise you, Dad-Bod lovers, it’s going to be OK.

This will-they or won’t-they last-minute contract-signing situation is a familiar one for Bravo-lebrities of increasing star power.

Shep will be back on the show.

I know this because he needs a redemption season. Plus, he’s having fun doing this. Also, he’s in it for real now. His not a spin-off spin-off “RelationShep” should have its premiere date announced aaaaaaany minute.

He’s a real two-show-er now. Two-show-wers don’t just abandon that which brung them.

So, relaaaaaax.

Oh my God, it just sunk in. Landon isn’t coming back!

Mine ears have heard the toll of the dolphin-voice liberty bell.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of Clavenel emancipation.

Mine inbox has augured a future with not a single “I just read your article. You realize this is a TV show with a story arc and was filmed 8 months ago? Always shocked when women behave this way. Thanks for watching our show but if you are going to use your voice to tear down me down I feel sad for you but I guess you are just trying to sell papers or get that almighty ‘like’. I doubt Jesus would take his own name in vain in regards to my work because he knows I have poured my heart and soul into it.”

Oh yes.

It’s definitely brownish.

This story was originally published September 22, 2017 at 6:06 PM with the headline "What’s the deal with Shep Rose and the next season of ‘Southern Charm’?."