Hilton Head dodges list of drunkest beaches

How did we stumble into this? Hilton Head Island is not even mentioned in a new list of America’s drunkest beaches.

That’s a pretty lush reward for a place sometimes called Cirrhosis Shores.

We were leaders in filtering state law to get bars open on Sunday.

Before that, the locals, wink-wink, could waltz back to the kitchen of a favorite eatery and get their coffee cups filled with spirits.

When the old swing-span bridge was knocked out of service by a barge, the state of emergency that required political intervention was how to refill the shelves of the Red Dot stores.

But now we are not considered worthy of a look by the Vinepair site when it ranked 20 popular beaches using blood alcohol content levels.

Myrtle Beach ranked first. Miami was 20th. Go figure.

They used a smartphone application that tracked both blood alcohol content and location. It showed Myrtle Beach with an average blood alcohol level of .117. It is against the law to drive in this state with a number above 0.08.

It’s funny. When the Town of Hilton Head Island banned booze on the beach, Myrtle Beach was cited as a great example because it had done it in the 1960s.

But Hilton Head went kicking and screaming into its so-called dry age.

It happened in June 1990, and according to the town manager at the time, it was cold turkey.

“It’s in effect immediately, and there are no waivers and no exceptions, not even for Jesus Christ,” said Martin Gainer.

That was rude and crude, and I could name a lot of other things.

But it likely reflected the frustration of more than two years of talking about the idea. Does that sound familiar? Even when we’re sober, we’re obnoxious, with petitions circulating and panels of experts droning on at forums.

One of the public hearings drew a standing-room-only crowd to the high school cafeteria. Nothing had ever stirred the locals this much.

“We’ve got a cancer at Coligny Beach,” warned one man. “We’ve heard a lot about quality of life (here tonight). At Coligny Beach, if that’s quality of life, I don’t want it.”

It may have been the first time “keg stand” and “quality of life” were part of the same discussion.

At least half the people spoke against the ban.

“Since we’ve tried Prohibition before and that failed ludicrously, it makes me question the motivation behind those proponents of the ban,” a man said.

People said the law would be impossible to enforce, and besides, we already had plenty of beach laws. To which it was suggested volunteers with two-way radios could patrol the beaches and help deputies bust little old ladies enjoying a glass of wine at sunset.

A portable jail was suggested, so deputies wouldn’t have to spend three hours hauling scofflaws to the jail in Beaufort.

But a majority on Town Council wanted to send a strong statement. They did not want Hilton Head to be known as spring break party central.

A town staffer sent letters to more than 100 college newspapers, breaking the news that the party was over on Hilton Head.

It still comes up from time to time, with deputies trying to reason with throngs of college kids. But Town Council fired a shot that is still being heard around the world.

This story was originally published July 5, 2016 at 3:45 PM with the headline "Hilton Head dodges list of drunkest beaches."