There’s a song I sing to my dog when we’re alone.
It goes like this, and it is best sung with a look in your eyes so earnest you scare yourself:
“The baby doggie. The baby doggie. I chose you over the rest. The baby doggie. The baby doggie. I picked you because you were the best.”
There are other verses to this song and some partnered dance moves, but I usually keep the details of those between me and Newbury ... and that journal under his dog bed he thinks I don’t know about.
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I have never once thought I was alone in making up silly dog songs.
I knew there were others.
I knew there were Dana Perinos out there, dog owners so proudly and unapologetically delighted by their animals that they just can’t keep that kind of joy from rhyming to a beat.
Perino, the former White House press secretary, best-selling author and Fox News contributor and host of “The Five” — and part-time Bluffton resident — not only openly admits that she sings to her dog, she has made it OK for the rest of us to share the lyrics to our dog songs and to take a bow after we do so with a relieved look on our face that says “Yes. I do this.”
If you don’t believe me, then check out her latest book “Let Me Tell You About Jasper ... How My Best Friend Became America’s Dog.”
If you still don’t believe me, then allow me to finish my song ... “The baby doggie. Your mom loves you so. The baby doggie. You were expensive, though. But it’s OK. Because I love your face ... the baby ... baby ... dog.” And then we do the final dance scene from “Dirty Dancing” with a perfectly executed lift during which I am, regrettably, left with no choice but to be the Patrick Swayze to his Jennifer Grey, but we make it work.
Yes. I do this.
Like I said, we can talk about these things with each other now. It’s safe. Dana Perino has made it OK. And you can thank her for this yourself at 1 p.m. Dec. 10 at Barnes & Noble on Hilton Head Island, where she will sign copies of her book.
“Jasper’s going to go,” she said earlier this fall about the signing. “That’s the big draw. Not me. It’s the dog. I get it.”
That’s right, you can meet Jasper, her handsome Vizchla with the uneven ears and a following of his own.
In “Let Me Tell You About Jasper,” Perino shares fun personal stories (and hilarious, adorable dog song lyrics) but mostly she shares photos. Lots and lots of Photoshopped photos of Jasper created by FiveFan, an anonymous and loyal viewer who might be a genius.
This person is so skilled and artful I totally forgot that Vischlas can’t ice skate or drive race cars.
Because in Perino’s book, dogs do much more than that.
They even have political affiliations.
Jasper, as you might have guessed, is a Republican, according to the book.
How do we know this?
“I told him,” Perino said.