‘Southern Charm’ recap: Worst — or best? — episode of ‘Scooby-Doo’ ever

Well, the seasoned detectives of “Southern Charm” were hot on the case Monday night, “Scooby-Dooing” it up all over the Carolinas.

Craig — who is obviously the Fred of this crew — pieces together that Whitney has hated Kathryn this whole time … because Whitney loves Kathryn.

Kathryn — the Daphne — neatly narrates his finding for the audience: “Old Man Whitney was wearing a mask this whole time. I see it now.”

Thomas — the Scooby, I mean, come on — gets to the bottom of InviteGate by interrogating Landon (she doesn’t get to be a “Scooby” character because she truly sucks).

Landon again maintains that she invited Kathyrn to that lame-o roller-skating party she threw for Shep’s birthday.

“Let’s see this ‘personal invitation’ you keep saying you sent her,” Scooby says to Landon after they both had way too many Scooby snacks in Asheville.

Landon finally breaks.

Zoinks.

“I didn’t invite her,” she slurs. “End of story.”

Nope. Not end of story, Landon.

Scooby is going to tell Shaggy about your lying ways, and Shaggy is going to be bummed.

(Shaggy is Shep, in case that’s not abundantly clear.)

And this is really a shame, especially in light of our final “Scooby Doo” reveal of the night, which comes from Cameran — the Velma.

Cameran’s too cute to be the Velma, you say?

May I remind you that she was worried the Mystery Machine, I mean, “party bus” Shep rented to take the crew to Asheville — or as Craig calls it “Nashville” — was going to have loud music and a stripper pole?

And that she and Whitney rented a car to go from Asheville to Linville because she didn’t think the bus was safe?

And that she said “That tire looks low to me” about this bus she can’t stop insulting?

Such a Velma.

Velma has a theory, though: Landon hearts Shaggy. I mean, Shep.

In the words of every person who has ever watched this show: No. Duh. Velma.

Other fun things that happened in Monday night’s episode:

— Thomas Ravenel says the line he’s been waiting all his life to say: “I’m T-Rav and she’s like T-Rex.”

Yes, Kathryn is his very own “Jurassic Park,” tearing her way through his bank account and scaring all those around him.

A viewer pointed out on Twitter that the clear acrylic crib she had Thomas put together for her is $4,500. I checked. I think it very well might be. Personally, I think she deserves the crib, especially now that we know he left her alone for a night so he could creep around Asheville, asking alternative chicks “What else do you have pierced?” (How much would you pay to see Thomas Ravenel and Mark Sanford team up on “The Amazing Race,” by the way?)

— Landon is really not understanding that her magazine idea is Shep’s Birthday 2.0.

As in it’s already been done. And you can’t pull it off, girl.

She shares the news of her latest business proposal to her sister.

“It’s an online travel magazine that’ll tell people where to stay … and where to play.”

I swear, she seemed proud of that happenstance rhyme.

Her sister, get this, says “That’s not the worst idea you’ve had in two years.”

Landon, may I suggest an online business magazine that just lists your failed ideas? I’d read that and I’d click on the ads.

— We finally know why Shep is so very Shep.

His grandfather used to tickle him until he couldn’t breathe whenever Shep didn’t know a New York Times Crossword answer.

A game that improves vocabulary skills and that results in a tickle punishment for wrong answers? This absolutely explains why the guy is like the academic version of Grover from Sesame StreetGrover from Sesame Street.

Also, his mom is the best human around, right?

She stocked their mountain home for him and his friends! Does it get any better? Even Patricia Altschul wouldn’t do that for Whitney, and she carries her man-child around in an emotional Baby Bjorn.

In the words of Craig Conover upon seeing that Shep’s mountain cabin is more of a mountain mansion: “I love that you’re not poor.”

And in the words of Shep, who isn’t stupid: “Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad. Keep working hard.”

Here’s my collection of Landon Twitter hate for the night. The last one is my favorite — it’s about her laugh:

This story was originally published May 16, 2016 at 11:25 PM with the headline "‘Southern Charm’ recap: Worst — or best? — episode of ‘Scooby-Doo’ ever."