‘Southern Charm: Savannah’ sounds like a soap opera proposal I once wrote after too much Franzia

“Southern Charm: Savannah” will premiere at 10 p.m. May 8, Bravo announced Wednesday (when I was too tired to notice because of the “The Bachelorette” filming in Old Town Bluffton the night before).

While I plan to remain more focused on the OG “Southern Charm” for obvious reasons — meaning that “Shep Rose obsession” one reader keeps accusing me of having — this looks like it’ll be a fun one even if Bravo’s description of it makes it sound like a soap opera proposal I wrote in 1998 after waking up to find that I’d also squeezed a now-empty Franzia Chillable Red boxed wine insert like it was a tube of toothpaste.

You think I’m kidding, but I’m not.

Check this out:

“Beneath Savannah’s beautiful oak trees draped in Spanish moss is an exclusive world that will seduce viewers with mystery, blue-blood refinement and deep history. From bridge club parties to oyster roasts, the Savannah social calendar is always full for the elite individuals who make the list. This close-knit group includes Lyle Mackenzie, a man on a mission who moved back to Savannah hoping to make an honest woman out of his high school sweetheart; Louis Oswald, who recently resigned from his corporate banking job to become a full-time entrepreneur; Hannah Pearson, who relocated from Atlanta and found love but learned quickly that in Savannah,‘mama’s boy’ takes on a whole new meaning; Daniel Eichholz, a Jewish business man by day and ladies’ man by night who was forced to grow up after a scandal nearly destroyed his family business; Catherine Cooper, a modern Southern Belle on a quest for independence; and Ashley Borders, a fashionista who spent years traveling the world before realizing that there really is no place like home. Additional charming characters set to make an appearance include Happy McCullough, who is bucking old-school Southern traditions by marrying her Muslim boyfriend; and comeback kid W. Nelson Lewis Jr., who made headlines in Washington D.C. with his wild behavior.”

That’s right. You just read the actual juxtaposition “Jewish business man by day and ladies’ man by night” and the name “Happy” without it being followed by “Gilmore.”

Somewhere around “man on a mission” is when you were like “Whoa. What is this even?,” right?

As you’ll notice in the preview below, the show feels a little like a school play about the actual “Southern Charm,” especially because one of them (Lyle, the man on a mission) literally sounds like he’s doing an impression of Shep Rose (maybe they’re voice twins? or is that just my Yankees ears confusing biscuit recipes?).

Speaking of Shep, he and Thomas Ravenel, my favorite emo tight-white-jean wearer, make a cameo in the show because Bravo can never pass up a “Jetsons Meet the Flinstones” moment. But, and I acknowledge that I should not make this judgment after watching two seconds of their interactions with the junior cast, it kind of felt more like those guys who keep showing up at your high school parties even though they graduated years ago.

I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to recap “Southern Charm: Savannah,” but this is the first of too many weekends when I’ll be getting into bed on a Sunday night thinking, “Enjoy this, my friend. Because tomorrow night there is no bedtime for you.”

The fourth season of “Southern Charm” premieres at 9 p.m. April 3. Check islandpacket.com on Tuesday mornings to find out what happened.

And if you need to catch yourself up, Bravo has put together this somewhat helpful listicle, which is worth clicking on if only to relive the moment in Season 1 when Thomas Ravenel wakes Shep, who is wearing a “God’s Busy. Can I Help You?” shirt, to let him know that Kathryn Dennis might be pregnant and that Shep is among the list of possible fathers.

I just can’t get enough of Shep’s “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” look in that scene. And I totally can guess at the smells coming off of him.

Heineken. Hot dog. Faint smell of Ralph for Women. Subway (both the transit station and the sandwich shop). And sheets that haven’t been washed since his mom’s last visit.

OK. Maybe I am a little obsessed with him.

This story was originally published March 31, 2017 at 12:59 PM with the headline "‘Southern Charm: Savannah’ sounds like a soap opera proposal I once wrote after too much Franzia."