3 things to do this weekend if you’re determined to be someone who has fun

Here’s what I plan to do this (and every) weekend: As little as possible, involving as few people as possible.

But here’s what I would do if books and coffee shops and peace and quiet at the beach (despite the closed parking lots) hadn’t been invented.

In other words, here are the things that I think sound cool this weekend in the Lowcountry and that you should check out because you’re way more fun than I am:

▪  Old Crow Medicine Show headlines the Savannah Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon finish line concert at 11:30 a.m. Saturday at Forsyth Park in Savannah. I’m not into their music — I know they sing “Wagon Wheel,” the song local musicians have a love/hate relationship with — but they have the kind of sound that makes for a good outdoor fall concert and I generally like those. Also, this one is free.

Side note: Two years ago, a friend dragged me to this finish line concert because that “American Idol” guy Phillip Phillips was headlining. Parking wasn’t too bad, but be prepared to feel unaccomplished around people who just ran 26 miles. Also be prepared to feel oddly proud of people you don’t know.

The thing I wish I had known before going: That after the concert my friend (an adult) was going to insist on waiting with the groupies (average age 12) outside the backstage gate to get Phillips to fall in love with her and that I was going to have no choice but to hang back with the groupies’ mothers to avoid being inadvertently Instagrammed and forever documented as someone who did that.

▪  I want to say I would go to the sixth annual Bluffton International & Craft Beer Festival, which is from 1 to 5 p.m. Saturday in Bluffton Oyster Factory Park, but I don’t appreciate good beer and usually just ask waiters to tell me which microbrew is the girl one. Also, the $50 ticket means I’d drink until I felt confident that every penny had been re-earned in sufficient inebriation.

(I did this same thing at the Music to Your Mouth Festival’s Maker’s Mark table one year and ended up thinking I was finally brave enough to watch “American Horror Story.” I was not.)

But if you love good beer — or love someone who loves good beer (and the science thereof) — this is the place to be. Organizers say there will be more than 130 beers to taste (don’t worry ... there’s also food). And there is an educational component to the festival as well that will feature presentations of rare and retired beers and “high gravity bottles,” which I just had to look up so I can explain it to you. “High gravity bottles” are bottles that will tunnel through the Earth if you accidentally drop them. So be very, very careful.

Things not to leave at home: Your ID and your Uber or Lyft app.

Things to leave at home: Your dogs and your kids (even if they insist they love really hoppy beers).

▪  You need to experience the Hilton Head Island Motoring Festival and Concours d’Elegance’s auction at least once in your Lowcountry life. It’s at 11 a.m. Saturday at The Westin Hilton Head Resort & Spa and $25 for an event pass.

Vintage cars do nothing for me (except to scream “Look at my owner! Look! Do you see him? Do you see? HE WANTS YOU TO LOOK AT HIM!”). But the auction is fascinating no matter what you don’t know about cars.

Don’t believe me? Last year’s top car (a 1967 Ferrari) went for $638,000. That’s a party.

Tip No. 1: If there’s champagne, treat yourself to a mini-bottle.

Tip No. 2: Don’t drink it with a straw even if it makes you think you’re backstage at Fashion Week.

Tip No. 3: Because you’re not at Fashion Week. You’re in a closed space that smells like gasoline. Accidentally shot-gunning effervescent alcohol will result in you lying on your side in the fresh air while your husband explains to your dad what’s wrong with you.

Or so I’ve heard.

This story was originally published November 2, 2016 at 4:45 PM with the headline "3 things to do this weekend if you’re determined to be someone who has fun."