Mosquitoes on Hilton Head are so bad ...

How bad are the mosquitoes at your place?

Where I live, they’re so bad ...

▪  Blood-alcohol level is no trouble because we have no blood.

▪  Our best-selling perfume is Eau du Kerosene.

▪  Hurricane Maria is afraid to come near us.

▪  The street lights come on at mid-day.

▪  We’re giving our children citronella cigarettes.

▪  A baby born at Hilton Head Hospital was named DEET.

▪  We can’t go to the bank because we’re all wearing face masks.

▪  They’re so big they want to be the official state bird.

▪  People are walking their dogs in beekeepers’ suits.

▪  The root doctor is afraid to make house calls.

This story was originally published September 22, 2017 at 4:32 PM with the headline "Mosquitoes on Hilton Head are so bad ...."