Here are some SC slogans you definitely will not be seeing on your license plate

This column was originally published on Oct. 11, 2006.

When the state of South Carolina switched to a new license plate in 2008, it asked for public input on the new design.

It had to include space for a plate slogan, to be determined by the state at a later date.

Maybe that means “Smiling Faces. Beautiful Places” will rust into history like the slogan of the 1930s, when we were “The Iodine State.” That was a shameless scheme to make people think eating South Carolina vegetables would prevent unsightly goiters from disfiguring their necks.

More recently, our license plates have been rear-ended by other conspiracies. Both an anti-abortion slogan and a sitting governor’s campaign slogan have been suggested for the license plates.

And the legislature has approved so many special-interest license plates — promoting everything from Sons of Confederate Veterans to the Secular Humanists of the Lowcountry — that the list of options looks like something from the Gay Dolphin gift store in Myrtle Beach.

The Department of Motor Vehicles asked for a visually appealing design for the basic plate that promotes the quality of life in South Carolina, reflects a positive aspect of life in our state and promotes it as a destination for visitors.

Our online readers were asked to suggest a new slogan. Maybe I got them off on the wrong foot by suggesting “Crowded Places. Red Faces.” At any rate, here are some of their ideas:

• “Ignant and Poud of It.”

• “South Carolina/East Ohio.”

• “We Still Hunt Hogs.”

• “Bulldozing History.”

• “Yankees Go Home. Leave Yer Money.”

• “Failure is an Option.”

• “Welcome Illegals!”

• “Thank God for Mississippi.”

• “Leaving History Behind.”

• “I Don’t Care How You Did It Up North.”

• “Welcome to the Redneck Riviera.”

• “Welcome to South Carolina. Now Go Home.”

Ouch.

Here are some other slogans I’m tinkering with that might — just might — escape consideration by the state:

• “License Plates: Our No. 1 Industry.”

• “Mega Dittos to Independent Streaks.”

• “Our State Flag is NOT an Outhouse Symbol.”

• “West Virginia by the Sea.”

• “We’ll Get Out Our Matching Cool Whip Dinnerware for You.”

• “Even Our Barbecue Sauce Ain’t Fergettin’.”

• “Tank Top Tuxedo Capital of the World.”

• “Home of Snakes on a Fo-Wheelah.”

• “Come Discover How No-See-Ums Turned the Miss Catfish Stomp Swimsuit Competition into a Talent Show.”

• “Honk if You Got Married at the Esso Club.”

• “What Louvre? We Seen I-95 From Pedro’s Sombrero.”

• “Raised by Marsh Tackeys.”

• “We’ll Sweep the Yard for You.”

• “I Brake for the Albino Skunk Bluegrass Festival.”

• “At Least Our Bird Dogs Have Family Trees.”

• “My Other Car is a Riding Mower.”

• “Admission Test: Can You Pickle Pork Skins?”

• “Blue Hairs Smiling at Me. Nothing But Blue Hairs Do I See.”

• “We’re Not Old, We’re Hip. Well, We Were Hip. It Got Replaced.”

• “Boiled Peanuts: Elegance That Don’t Require Teeth.”

• “Life in the Fast Lane: Mama Got Run Over Painting a Tiger Paw on the Bypass, but She’s a Big Hit at the Wax Museum.”

• “Bless Your Heart.”

• “Shrimp Baitin’ Ain’t Hatin.’ ”

• “Gamecocks Came First, You Idiot. They Don’t Even Lay Eggs.”

• “Home of Deep-Fried Cheese Grits.”

• “Up on Blocks and High on Life.”

• “Welcome to Hell Hole Swamp.”

And the least likely slogan to appear on the new S.C. license plates:

• “If God Wanted Us to Be a Blue State, He Would’ve Given Our Legislature More Than One Crayon.”

This story was originally published June 16, 2017 at 8:33 AM with the headline "Here are some SC slogans you definitely will not be seeing on your license plate."