If they believe in Santa, they may not believe you in the future
It’s a tradition that can be just as fun for adults as it is for children. You lay out food for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, you put excited children to bed and then get to work arranging presents and eating Santa’s snack.
Then in the morning you get to watch the kids tear into gifts for which they thank Santa, but you know is actually your own work. But it’s a harmless lie, meant to give something magical for young children to believe in, right?
Wrong, some researchers are now saying.
In an article titled, “A Wonderful Lie,” Christopher Boyle and Kathy McKay argue the Santa Claus myth isn’t just not harmless, but it also could do damage to your relationship with your child and leave them open to “abject disappointment” when they eventually discover the lie, according to the Guardian.
“The Santa myth is such an involved lie, such a long-lasting one, between parents and children, that if a relationship is vulnerable, this may be the final straw,” McKay said. “If parents can lie so convincingly and over such a long time, what else can they lie about?”
McKay even said if her 3-year-old goddaughter asked her about the existence of Santa then she would tell her the truth.
“She believes in Santa at the moment and it’s not my role to go against her parent’s wishes,” McKay said. “She’s never asked me about Santa ... when she does, I’ll tell her because I want my goddaughter to grow up knowing that there will always be safety and honesty with us.”
Boyle feels less passionate on the matter, but says parents who use the threat of Santa not bringing presents as a “tool of control” should realize it’s “not the best parenting method.”
“You’re talking about a mythical being deciding whether you’re getting presents or not,” Boyle said.
They aren’t the only two who feel this way. David Kyle Johnson, a philosophy professor at King’s College, has continuously argued against telling children the Santa lie.
“It’s a lie, it degrades your parental trustworthiness, it encourages credulity, it does not encourage imagination, and it’s equivalent to bribing your kids for good behavior,” Johnson wrote in a blog post explaining his views.
But not all researchers agree on this assessment. Dr. Danielle Jackson, chartered clinical psychologist at Jackson Psychology Services, told the Huffington Post that going along with the lie that Santa Claus delivers presents on Christmas is unlikely to be a threat to children’s moral compasses.
“Having, or conveying, a sense of magic or magical beings, far from being harmful, is likely to give children a broader imagination, creativity and richer play, benefits which will last long beyond the belief in magic,” Jackson said. “Also, how important is it that magic is real? Many of us hold beliefs about things that could be perceived by others as ‘not real’ or magic.”
However, Johnson argues that is one of the most harmful parts of the lie. He said parents should not convince kids it’s OK to believe in something not based in reality if it makes them feel good.
“I’ve been struck my how many parents think it’s perfectly fine, even for adults, to believe something is true simply because one wants to — because it’s comforting or fun. And they even admit they think this because this is why they believed the Santa Claus lie as a child,” Johnson wrote. “When I say that the Santa Lie encourages credulity, what I mean is that it encourages the formation of belief based on convenience, rather than good reason and evidence.”
Johnson suggests instead to present Santa Claus to children as a story, and then telling them that we reenact it for the holiday every year. That way they believe in the story, similar to movies or fairy tales, but know what is actually going on.
This story was originally published November 25, 2016 at 9:50 AM with the headline "If they believe in Santa, they may not believe you in the future."