2 Beaufort County grads tied to tragedy offer lessons in kindness, finding your way
“This one’s for you, Grace.”
The white letters, sprinkled alongside a silhouette of a young girl in a track outfit, popped off Faith Sulak’s mortarboard.
Gowns flowed and a semblance of a procession was mustered, but the comfort of normalcy was elusive. High school graduations are a time to celebrate and connect, moments to cherish forever with brothers, sisters and friends, intertwined with shared accomplishments. A new beginning with so many unopened doors awaiting.
But these are the times of COVID-19, social distancing and small group gatherings. May River High’s graduation was never going to be normal.
But that connection? That was never in doubt. As Faith stood by her classmate Emma Dewey after the requisite photographs were taken, the pair quietly considered each other’s caps.
Grace was there, as she had always been for them. A connection of the heart too strong for any pandemic to ruin.
Maturity beyond her years
Today would have been the day Faith, Emma and Grace Sulak would have walked across the graduation stage together.
Instead, a no-frills version was recorded last month and will be shown on YouTube today.
Instead, Faith and her parents, Kristen Sulak and partner Heidi Hanson, accepted a plaque and a framed photograph of Grace as her name was called as an honorary graduate.
It’s been a little more than four years since Grace died in a crash on Interstate 26 in 2016. She was 14. Emma and her mother were also in the car, survivors that day and survivors still to this day.
Emma now will head off to the University of Tennessee. Faith is headed to Furman. She will graduate Tuesday in the top 10 in her class — believed to be the largest graduating class Beaufort County has seen. Her family says the accomplishment is a testament to how she chose to respond to loss.
“I marvel sometimes in her strength and ability to see things beyond her years in terms of maturity,” Kristen Sulak said.
Finding a focus
Faith was interested in this pandemic stuff before the coronavirus gripped everything.
After watching the movie “Outbreak” during a class her junior year, she set a path to a possible career at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and to study science at Furman.
She has loved science since she slept under a space shuttle on an overnight field trip to NASA in fourth grade, Kristen said. Her curiosity was fostered and shaped at River Ridge Academy, by teacher Marlayna Tracy.
When Faith returned to the school last fall as a teacher cadet, the first time back at River Ridge since Grace died, Tracy was there to comfort, understanding what walking the school’s halls again would mean.
Faith talked to a therapist to help navigate life after Grace died. She remains in touch now, though they talk less frequently.
Faith quit basketball and tried volleyball but stopped. Sports was something she and Grace did together, playing on the same basketball team and coached by their mother.
From therapy Faith learned she needed a target for her focus. It became her schoolwork and a new companion, an English cream golden retriever named Finn.
The family Initially planned to breed the dog and sell the puppies to raise money for a scholarship fund in Grace’s name. They traveled to Washington state, persuading a reluctant breeder to sell them the puppy only after explaining Finn’s intended purpose.
They named her for a character in Hunger Games, one of Grace’s favorite book series. As it turned out, Finn was not able to reproduce.
Instead she was trained as a therapy dog and has accompanied Faith to help children learn to read at Boys and Girls Club and to visit assisted living facilities.
As a teacher cadet Faith helped lead a class on moon phases. She participated in video calls in recent months when meetings were impossible.
Emma also found a new focus.
She and Grace had become friends running together at Okatie Elementary School and continued running at River Ridge. She remembers the genuine compassion Grace showed everyone, offering encouraging words after a tough race or welcoming new people.
“It was definitely a bond made through running together,” Emma said.
She continued running track at May River after the wreck but stopped after 10th grade. She no longer enjoyed the sport as she once did, and her back hurt from the injury she sustained in the crash.
Instead, Emma practices yoga almost daily and goes to spin class once a week for a cardio workout.
She began volunteering once a week at NHC Healthcare Bluffton before coronavirus. She assisted in the activities department after school on Thursdays, helping keep patients active and engaged with each other.
She was part of Beta Club, National Honor Society and DECA, a business club for which she traveled to competitions.
Clemson and Tennessee made Emma’s short list of schools, and she plans to go to Knoxville for its neuroscience program and distant locale.
“I needed to just start over and make new friends and just have a different experience in college,” she said.
She said she felt May River’s tribute to Grace for graduation was nicely done.
Remembering Grace
The silhouette of Grace painted on Faith’s graduation cap bore no expression. There was no name on the track jersey — Grace and Emma ran for Bluffton High School as eighth graders, and Faith thought their previous school’s name would be out of place at May River’s graduation.
Faith and Grace would have likely headed different directions after high school, Faith believes. When the twins were younger they attended sleepovers without the other to prepare for not always being together.
Grace was focused more on athletics, would probably have earned a scholarship to run, her sister feels.
The twins would have still alternated weekends traveling to visit each other. Or else would talk on the phone every day.
Faith knows this in her heart. On her sleeve is a constant reminder to exhibit grace.
The words “Be kind” are permanently inked on Faith’s left wrist, crafted by a tattoo artist in Grace’s handwriting. Faith lifted the words from one of her sister’s school art projects.
The message was a visible example to students at River Ridge Academy when Faith pushed up her sleeves to work in the middle school classroom early in her senior year.
“I think sort of my way of keeping Grace alive is being kind, because that’s the trait she exemplified through everything,” Faith said. “And so that’s sort of how I remember her every single day, is doing something kind for somebody.”
Grace also kept journals, but they remain closed and locked. A medium once told Faith that when Grace is angry, she places a zit on her sister’s nose — in case Faith was ever tempted to peek.
The sisters reveled in spontaneity. On family trips to Lake Lure each summer, the girls were among the youngest but the first to jump the approximately 20 feet from the dock at the lake house to the water below.
It’s in that spirit that Grace’s family and friends mark the anniversary of her death each year as part of “A Day of Grace” with a group activity. Last year it was a rope course; the year before, horseback riding.
Instead of gathering this year and the usual fundraising effort for the scholarship fund in Grace’s name, people were asked to support local businesses and spread messages of kindness in their neighborhoods and online in Grace’s memory.
Participants ranged from local friends and family to strangers in other parts of the world.
This week 13 seniors from Bluffton High School, Hilton Head Island High School and May River High School will be surprised with scholarships to help with their first year of college. The number awarded is larger by almost double than previous years. This year was special, the year Grace would have graduated.
To persevere is to honor
Gather around, Class of 2020, for an unconventional commencement address for these unsettling times.
It’s a message adapted from the experience of two graduates who will always be related by their great loss.
Spreading good in the world can be fulfilling, even if you carry an emptiness that might never leave. Seeking help when life is overwhelming can be a lifeline.
Sometimes you might need a fresh routine, a change of scenery, new relationships with people who will learn about you for the first time. Your experience is yours to share if and when you please.
Consider the words delivered via Facebook post from Kristen Sulak on May 7, when the Bluffton community celebrates “A Day of Grace.” Pandemic restrictions limited the usual group activities.
Kristen Sulak wants you to know Faith rose to among the top students in her class not in spite of her sister’s death, but in part because of it.
“She could have given in to hurt and anger, given in to the dark hole of sadness and given up hope. But she chose not to,” Kristen wrote. “To persevere is to honor her sister Grace. To find joy is to honor her sister. To find her way through the darkness, into the light, is to honor her sister. To give 100%, whether that be in schoolwork or how she chooses to live and love, is what she does to honor Grace. Embrace your experiences, both good and bad, they will help shape and mold you.”
This story was originally published June 2, 2020 at 4:30 AM.
