‘Wounds heal, but scars remain.’ SC survivor will watch Golden State Killer be sentenced
Jane Carson-Sandler wanted her attacker to look her in the eyes.
Almost 44 years later, she wanted him to know that she was in control now.
But he refused, never looking up to meet her gaze.
She’ll get the chance to try again Tuesday, when she presents her victim impact statement to a judge as part of a week-long court sentencing.
‘Victim, Survivor, Thriver’ - the June hearing
In October 1976, Carson-Sandler became the fifth victim of the Golden State Killer, also known as the East Area Rapist.
Now a Sun City resident, she first told her story to The Island Packet and The Beaufort Gazette in March 2018 to draw attention to the decades-old case of the serial rapist and killer who plagued California in the 1970s and ‘80s.
A month later, disgraced former police officer Joseph James DeAngelo, now 74, was arrested.
Since then, Carson-Sandler has gone to every court appearance DeAngelo has had, including the most recent one in late June in which prosecutors from five California counties read the gruesome details of crimes he committed.
None of the victims were referred to by their names, but Carson-Sandler stood up and walked to the front of the makeshift courtroom when the account for “Jane Doe 20” was read.
Everyone in the audience had a view of her homemade T-shirt that said, “Victim, Survivor, Thriver.”
She hadn’t planned to stand up, but said as she sat there with her husband and the detective who took her to the emergency room the night of her rape, she grew angry listening to all of the horrific details.
“I thought, ‘I’m going to stand up there and represent the women who don’t get to face their attackers,’” she said. “I wanted so much for him to look at me when he pleaded guilty, but he didn’t.”
While Sacramento County Deputy District Attorney Amy Holliday recounted Carson-Sandler’s case, she included multiple survivors’ description of DeAngelo as having a small penis.
Some laughed in the crowd and others applauded as Carson-Sandler turned around and gave two thumbs up.
“That was perfect and the applause was perfect,” she said. “There’s no way I could ever cause him the fear that he caused me … (but) I certainly can cause him humiliation and that is what I’m trying to do with my impact statement.”
DeAngelo, who appeared in court in a wheelchair, pleaded guilty to 13 counts of murder and 13 counts of kidnapping to commit robbery. He also admitted to 62 rapes, including Carson-Sandler’s, and other crimes that he was not formally charged with, mostly due to statute of limitations expiring.
A plea arrangement spared DeAngelo from the death penalty, but he faces 11 consecutive life sentences, Holliday said at the hearing.
As DeAngelo was being wheeled out the courtroom after the hearing, Carson-Sandler waited by the exit ramp. A police officer silently stood in front of her to prevent her from getting closer, but she leaned forward when DeAngelo passed.
“Rot in hell,” she shouted to him before turning around with a big smile, throwing her hands up in a little cheer, and hugging a friend.
He never looked in her direction.
That moment, which was live streamed by California TV station ABC10, has gained traction on Reddit.
Talking about it weeks later, Carson-Sandler said she was angry and it felt good to say it at the time. But as a Christian woman, she’s going to refrain from saying anything like that in her impact statement.
“I’m going to say something a lot calmer to him this time,” she said. “Part of me feels that way, part of me doesn’t. Even if I feel that way, though, I don’t need to say it in public.”
‘Wounds heal, but scars remain’ - This week’s sentencing
Carson-Sandler has been preparing for this week for a long time.
She’s drafted her impact statement and has a new T-shirt one of her friends made that’s even better than the last one, she said.
Looking ahead, she’ll just be glad when it’s over though.
“Sometimes I just want to break out in tears,” she said. “ … I’ve had so many ups and downs and roller coasters.”
She’s been able to compartmentalize her attack when she reaches out to others who have gone through similar situations.
Her activist work makes her feel like she’s doing something worthwhile with what happened to her.
But, there’s constantly something new being written or published or aired about him and what he did.
“I’m not going to let it consume me and be defined by it,” she said. “But it’s like I always say, wounds heal, but scars remain.”
A constant reminder.
“He’ll never be completely out of my life,” she said, explaining certain things like seeing a ski mask or hearing someone say, “Shut up” still triggers her. “(The triggers) will always be with me I guess, but life goes on and it’s a good one.
“I’m happy this all will be put to bed… put to rest.”
Editor’s note: If you or someone you love has been affected by sexual assault or domestic violence, a 24-hour support line is available from Hopeful Horizons, a crisis center in Beaufort County. Call 843-770-1070.
This story was originally published August 17, 2020 at 4:45 AM.
