Beaufort County referees just want to do their job. Verbal abuse makes it difficult.

The familiar verbal abuse rained down on Melvin Stove as he ran the line at a youth soccer game in August.

Parents of the Bluffton-area club had recently received an email, alerting them to a new initiative called Silent September by the S.C. Youth Soccer Association. All parents and spectators were forbidden from saying anything to the referees working their kids’ soccer games for a month in the hopes of curbing sideline heckling.

But one player’s father on an under-19 team competing on a John Paul II Catholic School field missed the memo and repeatedly targeted Stove, an official working the game.

The parent was tossed. And the extreme measure of muzzling parents and other spectators seemed to work for a while, giving referees across Beaufort County hope.

But now, Silent September is over and sideline heckling and abusive behavior is back, say local officials.

It’s more than just a nuisance to referees. Spectators’ poor behavior at youth games is chilling the number of new referees — who are usually teens — that officials can recruit.

Mike Lowry, a soccer official for more than 40 years, offered two entry-level courses for new referees in the fall, one in Hardeeville and one on Hilton Head. Of the 10 who signed up, eight were from outside the area and no use to Lowry for working games in the Beaufort County area.

Beaufort County Parks and Leisure Services director Shannon Loper said her organization hasn’t had much trouble finding referees but that parent behavior has been a recurring issue, to the point where law enforcement has been called in the past.

Loper is the state director for Dixie Boys baseball and district director for softball. During meetings of youth sports officials, there is a common topic.

“We talk about if you can sum up the problem with youth sports in one word, what would it be?” Loper said. “And it’s parents.”

The problem isn’t limited to soccer.

The top umpire for S.C. Dixie Youth Baseball said he has considered quitting in recent years because of parent behavior.

A grandparent confronted Jeff Nettles after the umpire called out the man’s grandson to end a game in Florence. He told Nettles that was the worst call he had seen, that he cheated the kids.

The attitude is reflected in the players, Nettles has observed. The 51-year-old umpire recalled a 9-year-old calling him stupid.

After a batter was hit by a pitch during a tournament for 11 and 12-year-olds in Florence two years ago, opposing coaches and parents yelled threats and insults at the child on the mound until he cried, Nettles said. Police eventually had to be called after parents fought in the stands over the incident.

Youth baseball umpires start at 16 so they can learn enough to work tournaments when they are eligible a 18, Nettles said. But few of the new umpires last longer than a year, not willing to endure the abuse for about $25 each game.

“I would say within the next 10 years, if the attitude toward officials doesn’t change, we’re going to be in dire straights to cover the games we have,” Nettles said.

Loper blames in part the competitive culture of travel sports for bleeding into recreational leagues that preach fun and sportsmanship. And at one point Loper might have been among the offenders.

Loper said she pushed her son to play travel baseball year-round starting at age 7. By the team he reached middle school, he was done, telling Loper he wanted to spend time with his friends and have fun.

The moment was a wakeup call, Loper said.

She has seen problem parents be contrite when she calls them in after an offending incident in a rec league game. Some recognize they lost their cool in the heat of a moment and vow to improve.

“I think a lot of the problem is it's taken too seriously,” she said. “Instead of using it as a fun time for the kids, a lot of the parents worry about the competitive side of it instead of the fun side of it.”

At club soccer games, where parents sit just off the field, officials can hear every word.

The veteran referee Lowry said he tries to shield younger referees if they’re working the same game as him.

“I’ll make sure he’s on the coaches’ side, so the parents can’t give them grief,” said Lowry, who lives in Savannah. “And if he’s in the middle, I’ll make sure I’m on the parents’ side so I can tell them to shut up — I don’t say it like that.”

The S.C. Youth Soccer Association instituted Silent September for its sponsored leagues at all levels for the month.

Clapping, stomping, cow bells and vuvuzelas were fair game. But verbal cheering or jeering was not allowed.

“That seemed to work for the month,” Stove said. “As soon as we got back into club play and state cup tournament time in December that level of disrespect for the officials increased again.”

Coaches are traditionally responsible for helping keep their fans in line, officials say. That can unravel when coaches spar with referees over calls and allow players and their parents to adopt the attitude.

Parents get a couple warnings about their behavior, unless the comments are particularly vulgar, Lowry said. After the warning, they are asked to leave.

The game stops until the adult leaves. Embarrassment is a pretty effective tool for speeding up the process.

“It’s a walk of shame,” Lowry said. “You’ll hear a kid apologize for a parent’s behavior.”

Lowry recalled an incident at a Thanksgiving tournament held at The Citadel in Charleston during the late 1990s. After an under-13 game, a mother took the field and slapped the 15-year-old referee.

Lowry and two other onlookers tackled the woman Another time, at a college game in Georgia, a student through a nearly empty Coke bottle and hit Lowry in the shoulder.

But most of the assaults are verbal.

Lowry encourages referees to greet spectators before matches if there is time. When he travels to Beaufort County, Charleston or Columbia, he’s sure to tell fans he’s from Savannah and they shouldn’t worry about the common complaint of home favoritism.

“Let the kid have fun,” Lowry said. “He’s not going to have fun if you’re yelling at everybody.”

This story was originally published March 18, 2018 at 6:00 AM with the headline "Beaufort County referees just want to do their job. Verbal abuse makes it difficult.."