4 years ago they buried their son. Now, Hilton Head family struck by tragedy again
As Brandon Arrieta sat on the couch and talked about his son Cotesy, the room slowly filled with Cotesy’s friends.
They appeared in groups Thursday night. Some brought their parents, while others came alone.
The boys — 15, 16 and 17 years old — were there because they’re going to be pallbearers for their friend.
Cotesy, a 16-year-old junior at Hilton Head Island High School, took his own life early Tuesday morning. He was a jokester who teased his mom for her Southern accent and his dad for being born in Mendoza, Argentina.
His death is the family’s second tragic loss in four years.
In 2016, Cotesy’s 10-year-old brother died of acute myeloid leukemia. Cotesy was just two years older than Alex and watched as he went from five months of remission to fighting for his life in a matter of weeks.
The boys’ parents said Cotesy was never the same after Alex passed away April 27, 2016. They point to Alex’s cancer as the reason for their second eldest son’s death.
On Thursday, the nine teenage pallbearers stuffed their hands in their pockets and stared at the floor. Tears flowed. Cotesy’s mother Caroline quietly asked the boys if they’d seen any warning signs.
Nearby, Brandon talked about the last time he spoke to his son: Monday night.
The two were watching soccer clips and were up late again. They were arguing about F.C. Barcelona’s recently departed manager before they realized what time it was.
“Then I said, ‘I gotta go to sleep,’ and he said, ‘Me too.’ And that was the last conversation we ever had,” Brandon said.
When the family woke up on Tuesday, their entire world was changed.
Cotesy is survived by his parents, Brandon and Caroline; his 20-year-old brother Brandon; and his 12-year-old sister Leah.
The teenager talked to his family about his pain surrounding Alex’s death a lot. He was angry at God for allowing something so terrible to happen.
“He just never got over the death of his brother,” Brandon said. “It put a hole in his heart.”
As Cotesy got older, he found an outlet for his stress and anger: Soccer.
He played all the time with friends and at XP Fitness on Hilton Head.
“That’s what stopped him from thinking about Alex all the time,” Brandon said.
Much like their last night together, Cotesy and Brandon spent early mornings and late nights watching their favorite teams play while the rest of the family slept.
While it was a good distraction, it also broke Cotesy’s heart.
In 2019, he tore his ACL and underwent surgery. He was sidelined for months and ultimately couldn’t pull off a successful tryout for the school’s soccer team.
In the months following his injury, his parents said Cotesy became more depressed. While the family often spoke about coping with Alex’s death, they know how connected their two sons’ deaths are.
“We have two kids who died of cancer,” Brandon said. “It came in here and killed Alex and then Cotesy.”
Funeral information
For now, the Arrieta family is staying at a condominium donated by a friend. Brandon said they plan to leave their home in Hilton Head Plantation, but “we’re not leaving the island. Both our boys are buried here.”
Funeral services for Cotesy Arrieta were Saturday, Jan. 18. He was buried at Six Oaks Cemetery in Sea Pines on Hilton Head’s south end.
The family asked those who attended to honor Cotesy by wearing their favorite jersey. A Lionel Messi or F.C. Barcelona soccer jersey was “even better,” they said.
Raising awareness
The Arrieta family hopes to raise awareness about the destruction childhood cancer can cause in families.
Brandon said he wants to help write legislation that bolsters resources for families who lose a child to cancer — citing greater risk of depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, divorce and suicide.
He plans to add PTSD training for families during remission to Lambs for Life, the family’s organization that delivers care packages to children with cancer and advocates for federal resources for pediatric cancer research.
In Beaufort County, suicides have outnumbered homicides every year since 2003, according to data from administrative deputy coroner Janet Horton.
From January 2002 to October 2019, 140 men and 43 women in the county took their own lives.
The average age of a suicide victim in Beaufort County is 47.3 years old.
If you or someone you know may be at risk, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is a free, 24/7 resource that can provide resources and support. Call 800-273-TALK (8255).
BEHIND THE STORY
MOREInformation from The National Suicide Prevention Hotline
Suicide is complex. Mental disorders and/or substance abuse have been found in 90% of people who have died by suicide. Warning signs are associated with suicide but may not be what causes a death.
Here are some of the warning signs that someone you know may be considering harming themselves: talking about wanting to die; looking for a way to kill oneself; talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose; talking about feeling trapped or being in unbearable pain; talking about being a burden to others; increasing the use of alcohol or drugs; or acting anxious, agitated or reckless.
What to do if someone you know exhibits any warning signs of suicide: Do not leave the person alone; remove any firearms, alcohol, drugs or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt; call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255); and take the person to an emergency room or seek help from a medical or mental health professional
This story was originally published January 17, 2020 at 12:07 PM.
