Mom of man killed in Beaufort Co. fire describes his triumphs and failures in letter

Jeffrey Hile, 58, died in an early morning fire that destroyed his Lady’s Island Pleasant Point Plantation home last week.

His mother wrote The Island Packet and The Beaufort Gazette about her son, detailing his early years, his accomplishments and failures, attributes and flaws in a way that only a mother could.

Shirley Hile shares how her son’s depression, and his alcoholism, made him difficult at times. She recounts how he also went to great extremes to help others.

“A lot of people didn’t understand him,” she said. “I think I did. Most moms do.” And her relationship with her son “improved immensely” when she stopped “trying to fix him.”

Below is Hile’s letter, edited for clarity and brevity.

Jeffery Todd Hile

I am putting words on paper regarding the life of my son Jeff.

Jeff was born on May 17, 1961.

He was one of four siblings; he hadan older brother and sister, along with a younger brother. We were a busy family. Jeff was the “middle child,” and fit that description perfectly.

He grew up on a family farm in the small town of Wolf Lake, Indiana, with a population of 300, most of them relatives. Seldom anything could happen without everyone knowing and having an opinion.

Jeff was definitely not into the “farming bit” but did assist local farmers in haymaking every summer and helping to plant and harvest the crops, most of the time under protest!

He would grow to enjoy moments of peace in the old barn during trips back to the farm as an adult.

A complex man

Jeff was a complex man who few completely understood.

He did not share his personal thoughts, concerns and dreams openly.

He was self sufficient and was responsible. His work ethic was above reproach.

He learned how to make things, mostly for his home, and could turn an ordinary space into something beautiful. Yet, he was not into “stuff.”

He did, however, love electronics and had every new toy available.

He also had a few prized pieces of art that went with him on every move. Some of us did not understand the attraction to these few things, as they were often bizarre or different, but he loved them, and that was enough.

One of his favorite pieces was a small metal table with a top in the shape of a fish. It survived the fire.

He liked to play as a youngster, and that never changed. He spent a lot of time teaching his boys board games and enjoying videos and movies with them. Most of their gifts were the latest electronics.

Leader

He was cut from a different pattern and never ceased to amaze us in his God-given talents, caring and intellect.

Throughout his high school career, he was a leader, something that even his mother did not recognize.

His leadership was in the pranks and antics that he was involved in.

He played quarterback and to this day holds some school records. He loved baseball. As a youngster he played Little League and was taught the principles of pitching by his local parent coaches.

In one weekend tournament, Jeff’s coach put him in to pitch instead of the regular pitcher. Jeff did not want to do this but was told he would. As Jeff began pitching, he threw balls to the batter. It was not long until all the bases were loaded. It became vividly evident that Jeff did not want to take the place of the regular pitcher and did this to make a point.

Of course he was removed from the position. The winner of that game is a lost memory, but the point was made, and I could not have been prouder.

Jeff excelled in any sport he played. Basketball, football and baseball were his choices. He went to a small community college, Earlham, in Richmond Indiana, where he had received a scholarship for baseball and football.

Different

Being different was natural for him.

During his senior year in high school, which was during the long hair and trendy wear, he came home from shopping with a pair of white, furry, knee-high boots.

They were ridiculous, but he loved them. He wore them to school while the rest of us looked on in wonder and horror.

In contrast to his impeccable dress, he could easily dress down, wearing the same grungy trousers and sweat shirt for days, and never shaving until it was time to go home or to an event. He might have been mistaken for a homeless man.

Failures

He accepted failure and always moved on, but sometimes with visible grief and depression.

This was the case in his failed marriages. He married young, was divorced and then married the mother of his children. Other relationships were flawed. A later marriage ended when his wife died.

I often told him that his mother should pick his ladies. He did not agree!

He and the mother of his children had careers that took them to different positions around the nation. He seemed eager for new challenges. However, this also took a toll.

Jeff was a kind man — unless he was upset, and then he could become a tyrant! He was vocal at these times and left no question of his concerns, often lacking tactfulness.

Jeff was not without his own personal demons — the cause of problems in his personal life — but never in the workplace as he was able to compartmentalize.

I have seen him up most mornings at 4 a.m. with his coffee, sitting at the computer, working on a current bid or contract. He insisted on perfection in his work, and I believe he accomplished that.

His remarkable talents in architecture, project management and art were not always appreciated from the hometown boys, but he soon became respected for these talents.

Dad

Jeff became a single dad and saw his boys on weekends only, as by this time his work was not close to home. He never missed an opportunity to spend time with his sons, and more often had them with him here at the farm to eliminate traveling time.

It was here on those weekends that he began teaching those boys his work ethic.

One day he was trying to teach these little city boys how to survive on a farm, as he had. Dietrich, his oldest son, had an auto that needed brakes, and so the two of them decided to fix that. They looked it up on “Google” and literally ran back and forth from the house computer to the barn with each step of the repair.

South Carolina

He came to South Carolina through an act of kindness. He drove a cousin dying with a fatal illness from Indiana to North Carolina. He then drove the cousin’s grandson to South Carolina.

After a couple of days in your beautiful state, he fell in love with the lowlands of South Carolina and decided to quit his job and move there.

He had just buried his wife and was in a state of depression, so this was a natural thing for Jeff to do. He was a risk taker and never worried about “what if.”

He readily found a position, but later moved to CCC International Co. He loved going to work in flip flops and was soon able to purchase his home on Lady’s Island.

He never planned to leave and was busy remodeling that beautiful home with the grassy lowland marsh in his backyard.

What made it an even better home was when his son Dietrich decided to join him. Nick, as a younger man, was still in technical school but was able to visit his Dad on several occasions, driving from Fort Wayne, Indiana.

He became interested in gardening on his move to South Carolina. His deck was full of every kind of plant imagined and he had recently requested seeds from the family farm’s tomato patch, which were potted and growing.

We went to the greenhouse on my last visit and came home with a van full of beautiful plants and flowers. I guess this is one way that he expressed himself.

Mother’s love

I realize this is a mother’s description of a son and is terribly biased, but I am not alone in recognizing this amazing man’s talents.

It is more than sad that he is gone. I am heartbroken but have the assurance that Jeff, with all his difficult years and relationships, did find a personal Savior.

According to scripture, he is now at peace, in heaven, which is a source of comfort for his family.

This story was originally published December 10, 2019 at 4:24 PM.