COVID-19 takes Beaufort’s Gene Cato: caregiver, nurturer, source of strength

Throughout July, scores of close friends from across the country scrolled through their Facebook pages in a virtual vigil for their dear friend in Beaufort. Two or three times a day, friends checked in, sending prayers and the fondest thoughts for the recovery of their friend, Gene Cato, from the ravages of Covid-19.

After roughly three weeks of pain — most of that time he was attached to a ventilator — Ralph Eugene Cato Jr. died July 28 at Beaufort Memorial Hospital.

Cato, 69, was a member of the Aiken (S.C.) High School Class of 1969. The class had a 50th anniversary celebration in 2019 that reunited a couple of hundred old friends from across the state and the country. Many vowed to keep connected. They did — mostly through several Facebook pages.

With Cato’s unmatched wit, wisdom and natural leadership, his page became among the most widely visited. His posts were about music — any kind, as long as it was exceptional — food, especially Mexican or Lowcountry, and whatever was going on in someone’s life or in the life of the country.

Who will take care of us when the caretaker is gone?

Beaufort residents since the early 1980s, Cato and his wife, Marilyn, organized dinners at Beaufort restaurants, particularly Agave Mexican Grill. The gatherings were full of thoughtful and witty conversation, maybe a little boisterous. A few were known to join Cato in a good margarita or four. People remembered those nights for years.

Other dinners of Lowcountry boils and seafood were hosted at the couple’s beachside home on Lands End. As the night warmed, Cato would rise from the table and bellow one of many quotes from director Rob Reiner’s comedy classic, “The Princess Bride,” especially his favorite: “Hello! My name Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!”

It is beyond tragic that Cato would be stricken by the Covid menace because, starting at the virus’ outbreak, he was a beacon of common sense and public health. On Facebook or in person, you did not want to downplay the importance of wearing a mask or staying distanced or, worse, make light of this terrible disease.

A big, happy man, Cato’s most striking features were his great, round eyes. They didn’t so much search you as draw you into his keen mind and huge heart.

During the exhausting virtual hospital vigil, his family posted what news they could pry out of the busy ICU staff while a couple of hundred friends checked in several times a day from throughout South Carolina, as well as North Carolina, Virginia, Georgia, Colorado, California and other points around the country. Many Beaufort locals were checking, too, including the owner of Agave Mexican Grill, who brought dinner to Cato’s caregivers at the hospital.

Cato’s sister Vera wrote that her brother “spent all of his adult life being a caregiver, nurturer and source of support and strength to any and all who needed him. Right now, there are two very special-needs men whose future is, to say the least, uncertain, without him — not to mention we siblings, children, grandchildren, and as Gene would describe them, the ‘fur babies and assorted nuts and chocolates.’”

An advocate for kids with disabilities

In his hometown of Aiken, S.C., Cato began collecting close friends, and he added to them as he earned bachelor’s and master’s degrees in Early Childhood Education & Social Work from the University of South Carolina. Soon afterward he married Marilyn Stanfield in Anderson, S.C., in 1974 – a marriage that was a union of love and compassion until her passing in 2012, 38 years later.

The couple moved to Beaufort in 1982, where Cato became director of child development at the Baptist Church of Beaufort and Marilyn worked as an RN in the hospital’s maternity ward. The Catos were dedicated advocates for kids with disabilities. He worked tirelessly to mainstream special needs children in public schools. He wasn’t just a voice for children; he led by example as the couple welcomed many into their home.

In addition to their combined five children, the Catos welcomed three special sons into the family: Justin “JJ” Jones, who suffers from severe cerebral palsy, is blind and cannot speak; Jason DesChamps, always called “Elvis” for his enthusiastic impersonations; and the late Adrian “Bubba” Burns.

Bubba, who suffered from extreme cerebral palsy and other congenital complications, became Cato’s best friend and companion. Given a year to live when the Catos rescued him from a life of institutionalization in orphanages, Bubba lived a meaningful life for 21 years with their devoted care.

A black man, Bubba died of a flu-like illness on the day before the election of his hero Barack Obama in 2008. The fates of Justin and Jason, having now been orphaned twice, probably will mean group homes, but Cato’s nearly four-decade long connection with the special needs care network in Beaufort County likely helps pave the way for their acceptance among friends.

For the rest of the family and the scores of grieving friends, the loss will be a slow wound to heal.

The family suggests that donations be made to the Child Abuse Prevention Association in Beaufort, S.C.

This story was originally published September 3, 2020 at 4:30 AM.