How far should clergy bend faith traditions for families from multiple religious backgrounds?
I truly enjoy working with clergy from faith traditions different from my own. Our differences so often enrich my own experience and, I believe, the perspective of my congregants when it comes to growing spiritually.
Yet, clergy are working with enormous religious diversity inside our communities, often including non-faith community members connected to our parishioners.
When clergy create boundaries that do not completely accommodate requests for religious services, are they being anti-ecumenical?
Ecumenicism is not just about clergy working with each other. It is not just about sharing in the differences of theology and the search for common ground. Ecumenicism inside the house of worship is now between religious consumers in search of clergy to meet their needs. And that is a different level of conversation regarding how far clergy can go to do what congregants from interfaith backgrounds request.
Are there occasions when clergy have a responsibility to set boundaries? Despite our talk about making the world a peaceful place and “we are all human and breathe the same air,” are there times we cannot accommodate an individual or a couple?
It can be a real problem, especially when it comes to lifecycle events like weddings. I have had to explain on many occasions to a disappointed couple that I do not co-officiate with clergy from other faith traditions. I suppose I can seem a bit hypocritical that, on one hand, I want to assist them and bring them closer to the fold of Judaism even if a non-Jewish bride or groom chooses to remain in their faith tradition. Yet, on the other hand, am I undercutting the Jewish spouse who is looking for a link to their tradition?
I remember a situation when a Jewish man passed away, and his wife was Christian. Needless to say, there was not unity on what rituals and services from both traditions had to be part of his funeral. The reverend and I agreed that the church service would work for her side of the family out of the Christian faith tradition. Then, I would lead the interment at the cemetery for the Jewish man’s side of the family. It was a bit complicated and awkward, but, at the end of the day, we achieved our goals.
There are times in my own congregation for events like a Bar or Bat Mitzvah Sabbath service when a boy or girl actually reads in the original Hebrew from the Torah. In our community and other congregations I have served in my career, there is often a family who raise their children Jewish but one of the parents remains in another faith tradition. Yes, there are certain prayers that Judaism teaches that would not be appropriate for that spouse to recite in a public worship service, but there are creative ways to include them.
One’s religious affiliation in Judaism and what movement or denomination a synagogue and its rabbi belong to will often influence the degree of flexibility that is possible for extending opportunities to non-Jewish participation. Do clergy from multiple denominations of religious movements in the American Christian, Muslim and Hindu faith communities serve interfaith families within their own houses of worship? Are there times when a rabbi, priest, pastor or Imam must say no? Is that morally wrong? Are clergy supposed to bend the traditions they represent for families from multiple religious backgrounds and, if so, how far?
So much depends upon how the clergy explains their position.
Telling someone “I cannot assist you in this situation” does not automatically mean that the clergy are rejecting them. Shouldn’t those in need of services and those who provide religious services be respectful of each other even if they cannot agree on how their religion should serve their needs?
Like all things in life, it is a give and take, not just between the clergy and the congregants about their expectations but also about understanding the culture of the institution.
Too often is the case that someone is disappointed that the clergy did not meet their needs so that it leaves a sour feeling which can create resentment and bitterness for the rest of one’s life. That is the sad part about what people should be entitled to in terms of access to their religion’s lifecycle events versus the standards set by the clergy and the community as well.
Does ecumenicism mean accepting each other in our own religious orientation even if clergy and parishioner share completely different beliefs? Should clergy and parishioners compromise and negotiate with each other to find common ground?
We see that there are just times when we cannot agree based upon sincerely held principles, but does that mean we must end a relationship with clergy and congregant or even with the entire religion? We know that, when it comes to religion and our expectations, things should go our way, and when that doesn’t happen, the responses usually prove how true it is that it is always personal. When will learn to get over that problem?
