What happens after death? Why does it matter? Questions to ponder as we age

I had a check up with my physician and the usual array of tests that go along with a medical exam. I also took a few moments to ask my physician a serious question about the fundamentals of life. He is someone I respect who has served me well as my health care provider over the years.

I asked if he was afraid of death. He is a religious and spiritual man. He comes from a different faith tradition than mine, but we both are at an age where we see life differently from even a few years ago. Others have told me that they are not afraid of death but that what they fear most is to suffer illness.

Every religion has its own view on whether there is anything after death. Will we be reunited with our departed loved ones? Will those who led good lives reap the rewards of a life well lived? Will those who did not lead a good and honest life be punished? What about those who had a mixed record of good and bad decisions and behavior? What if death is the final moment and nothing follows? Does that diminish our purpose in this world?

What I know is this: Faith depends on not knowing the outcome of life. As I age I become more aware of that eventual moment of truth. I wish I could say that I am not afraid of death. I wish I could find comfort in the hope that there will be some sort of afterlife that will bring new meaning of what I did in this life, as well as what is in store for me in the next part of the journey. I have more questions than answers.

I think most about my parents, who have both passed away. Mom lived to be almost 98. She died three years ago, surrounded by family, which was enough for her. But all her friends had predeceased her, and that seemed still hard for her to accept.

Judaism teaches there is life after death and even the resurrection of the dead. But that idea for most Jews does not play a central role in our theology, or in how we evaluate our lives, or why we should live an ethical life. We live according to the teachings of the Torah because they give us the possibility of a world to come. Judaism’s orientation is about living an ethical life and following the precepts of the faith because God gives us sacred acts to do now. The afterlife is in our minds, but it is really God’s business, not ours.

A man told me long ago that hell for him would be looking back at his life at the end and regretting how he had lived. So was heaven the ability to face life at the end and cherish what we did with our lives? Again, more questions than answers.

Philosophers and theologians have discussed these issues for millennia. So many different viewpoints and faith traditions provide guidance for how to prepare for death and how to think about life after death. Sometimes I imagine what it will be like to breathe that final moment. Will I be brave enough to face it with dignity and courage? Will I have the opportunity to say what I need to say to my loved ones?

These days, I have thought about death even more, not just because of my own aging but also because so many have died of COVID-19. With many young adults having died, young people are experiencing that sense of fear, seeing their friends unexpectedly succumb to the virus.

Ultimately, what is important is taking life day by day and making the best of each day. I look into the eyes of my two dogs, who I believe have souls, too. They have so much love; how could they not have a place in the world to come? That may sound heretical, but I am not alone in my questions regarding the sacred animals that bless our lives.

A cherished friend who died unexpectedly used to say all the time, “Don’t sweat the things you can’t control.” Maybe that was the best counsel. I’ll live to my best aspirations and hope for the best, no matter what my mortality brings. Despite all the conflict and discord in society, perhaps the fact that we all face the same fate will give us new perspective about what it means to be human — and to make a better world while we have this gift of life today.