5 ways to shake the holiday blues

The holiday season is all impeccably wrapped gifts placed just so under a Christmas tree twinkling with lights.

It's the scent of pine and freshly baked cookies and the sound of logs crackling in a fireplace.

It's family all together in one place sharing a meal and singing carols.

Right?

Not for everyone.

"This is a really tough time for a lot of people," Bluffton-based family therapist Rosemary Clark said Wednesday. "It's not always as cheerful as a Hallmark Card."

Here are five tips from local mental health professionals to help if you find yourself in the holiday doldrums.

1. Be flexible

Parents, especially those at the head of non-nuclear families, must be flexible in order to give their children a happy and healthy holiday season, Bluffton psychologist Paul Anderson said.

Both Anderson and his wife have children from previous marriages "and it was a whirlwind" making sure the children got to spend time with all of the nearby relatives, he said.

"There are these classic traditional myths about the holidays," Anderson said. "But depending on your circumstance, sometimes you have to kind of give up the idyllic notion of everybody unwrapping presents together."

As his children became older and more independent, Anderson would tell them, "We don't have to see you at any specific time. We would just like to see you whenever you are available."

Hilton Head-based counselor Chris Cosacchi agreed.

"For families that are divorced or separated, it's really important for parents to keep open communication with their kids," he said. "If a child wants to be at dad's house for breakfast and mom's house for dinner, parents should be open to that."

Bluffton psychologist Helene Stoller said if young children are being shuttled from one house to another during the holidays, it is important to maintain some level of continuity.

That could be as simple as allowing them to bring a favorite toy or video game with them between houses.

2. Don't feel bad about your feelings

Clark said if you feel a little blue over the holiday season, don't beat yourself up.

"Let yourself feel how you feel, she said.

Cosacchi agreed.

"During the holidays everyone thinks they have to be happy, and sometimes people just aren't," he said. "And there are a lot of people in that boat. You're never alone in feeling that way."

Anderson said, "If you're just not in the holiday spirit, that's fine. You have permission to just get through it and move on."

3. Manage expectations

"Work toward having no expectations for the holidays," Hilton Head counselor Cherri Sabo said. "Make sure your thoughts are logical and not filtered through these crazy holiday expectations; otherwise you can just make yourself sick."

This is especially important for children, who often expect extravagant gifts during the holidays.

Parents should not turn Christmas into a contest over presents and make the holiday into "a big 'I can do better than you' thing," Sabo said.

Anderson said, "It's OK to keep things simple. It's OK if not all the pies are home-baked."

4. Allow for new experiences

"Create new traditions. Allow Christmas to look different," Clark said.

If that means going to the see the new Star Wars movie and eating Chinese food rather than roasting a turkey and watching "A Charlie Brown Christmas" for the thousandth time, so be it.

Anderson said that if you find yourself alone during the holidays, use the lack of obligations to "do something spontaneous that you always wanted to for yourself like take a trip."

You can always use technology like Skype and Facetime to touch base with loved ones who might not be close by, he said.

5. Keep busy

"Getting out and being a part of the community will absolutely lift you up," Bluffton-based counselor Mandy Renteria said.

Even if you are by yourself during the holidays, there are plenty of ways to get involved.

Volunteering your time to help the less fortunate is a great way to get "in contact with other people," Stoller said.

Anderson agreed.

"There are always open doors and people to be with. Volunteering is a good way to get outside of your own life and your own problems," he said.

Follow reporter Lucas High on Twitter at twitter.com/IPBG_Lucas.

This story was originally published December 23, 2015 at 7:33 PM with the headline "5 ways to shake the holiday blues."