Right now Bravo has no plans to give viewers some closure on “Southern Charm Savannah,” likely because ratings for the “Southern Charm” spin-off were less than half of the original’s for most of its eight-episode season (according to my “major analysis” of the numbers, that is).
So I get it. Business decision etc. etc. But still, I have one tiny question, Bravo: Are the hundreds of thousands of viewers who did stay up WELL PAST THEIR BEDTIMES on eight Monday nights just to humor you on this awkward and too-real iteration not entitled to SOMETHING, girl?
Can’t we get a very special “Watch What Happens Live”? Maybe host it at Rocks on the Roof or in Mansion or on any park bench Forrest Gump-style. Literally do it anywhere. Savannah is used to accommodating film crews now, I promise.
It is not, however, used to Shia LaBeouf, but I am granting that man half a pass for teaching me and many others who watched his arrest video the phrase “I’m FROM IT, you dummy.” It has now unseated “You might wonder if I hate you ... (cocked head, meaningful look, no further words)” as my imagined “Real Housewives” tagline. Still ... what a jerk. How those police officers didn’t go “shared and shocking convenience store video” on him, I’ll never know. (Just kidding. I know.)
But I digress. Though I could go on.
This is about our need for a reunion of some sort, any sort. And, because you refuse to hold a town hall on this, BRAVO, here is a list of very good reasons that “Southern Charm Savannah” deserves, needs, should have a reunion:
1. As Amy Feinstein has pointed out in her “Does Bravo Need to Have a ‘Southern Charm Savannah’ Reunion?” opinion piece in Inquisitr, this isn’t your only “Southern Charm” spin-off. You guys want us to also watch “Southern Charm New Orleans.” Well ... we’ll see about that.
2. This is your fault, not ours, because 10 on a Monday night?!? What? You know we’re mostly lower-to-upper middle-aged women, right? Ten at night is Retin-A time and it’s lotion everywhere time and it’s read one page of our books time before picking up our phones again time. It is not “learn about these weirdos’ lives and get left with cliff-hangers and arguments that need to be further explained and settled, but then get nothing in the end” time.
3. Isn’t the whole point of these shows — and, ahem, the reason they’re so successful in general — that viewers get to talk trash about other people’s friendships and marriages and life choices without any real social consequence? (Other than Landon Clements hates me IRL but pfft.) My friends and I have talked for hours about “Vanderpump Rules” and “Real Housewives of Everything.” It’s like Barbies for adults. Help us out here, you maniacs. We need more. For instance ...
4. We want to hear about Happy and Azam’s wedding and their fans’ support of them. Also real talk. We want the real talk on what it’s like to have a Muslim-Christian marriage in the South.
5. What about that rejected marriage proposal, Bravo? WHAT ABOUT THAT REJECTED PROPOSAL? Stop making us Insta-stalk these people in search of conclusions.
6. Ashley’s choice to ask for a divorce on camera, as well as the inevitable accusations, observations and insights from the other cast members on this. We need to know where to fall on this one.
7. Everything Hannah’s dad said needs to be addressed ... by Louis and by Hannah and by the other cast members. She deserves the chance to explain her father’s behavior and we deserve to hear more about it because that was a HORRIFYING moment on Bravo.
8. Same with Daniel’s father’s behavior ... also, maybe ask Daniel about his bathroom push-ups? And show more clips of that.
9. Everything about how no one showed up for the Hurricane Matthew gala. Everything. Just everything.
10. The cast’s thoughts on Shep Rose, star of “Southern Charm,” calling Savannah Charleston’s ugly stepsister. Cooper’s thoughts on T-Rav getting gross with her. Hannah’s thoughts on hurricane sock events.
11. A full two minutes on Nelson. Just Nelson. Just Nelson explaining Nelson.
12. Why so much fur in the heat? I live here. I know what it was like around Hurricane Matthew.
13. Golf-bra-gate. Bridge-game-gate. Puke-in-response-to-reconciled-friendships-gate. Best moments. Worst moments. Unseen footage. Viewer Twitter comments.
14. Because Andy Cohen’s mom is currently being held in an undisclosed location on River Street, where she will remain until ... OK. I can’t do that to Evelyn. Not even as a joke, but COME ON. Give us a reunion.