News Columns & Blogs

Time for Verizon to offer a smoke-signal plan

I have observed so many people lately who can't seem to get enough of their cell phones.

Grown men have taken to walking around in circles, seemingly talking to thin air. Phones are ringing in pockets and purses in every place you can imagine. I have heard so many inane conversations, I'm going batty.

I wish smoke signals would come back in vogue. Smoke signals were used by ancient Greeks and warriors on the Great Wall of China. And what good old cowboy movie worth its salt didn't have Indians sending puffs of smoke skyward?

Smoke signals were used mainly as a way to send news, alert people to danger and gather everyone in a certain area. Each Native American tribe had its own signals and meanings. Smoke signals from halfway up a hill meant everything was fine, but boy, if the smoke came from the top of the hill? Look out! In Rome, smoke still is used as a signal. The College of Cardinals sends up a puff of white smoke to indicate they have chosen a new pope.

I think telephones are wonderful, but to talk constantly no matter where you are is rather bizarro to me. I find it odd that people love the sound of their own voices so much. I guess we should buy stock in Verizon or Alltel, then I couldn't complain.

Smoke does get in your eyes and turns them red and it's not very charming or glamorous, but it is peacefully quiet, and who knows? A handsome cowboy may come riding up and whisk you away.

  • If you ever find yourself up the creek without a paddle, I know the perfect spot to find one. The paddles I refer to are actually beautiful works of art, handmade by Fritz Orr in Cedar Mountain, N.C. Fritz, a cousin of Eleanor and Comer Morrison, grew up in the mountains of North Carolina with a love of canoes and whitewater paddling. Garden & Gun magazine gave Fritz a Made in the South award for his beautifully crafted vintage-style paddles in its most recent issue. One of these gorgeous works of art would be wonderful over a mantel or could be put to good use in your boat.
  • I guess you all know that we Blufftonians are famous as eccentrics -- that is, most of us have parted from convention. Fact is, most of the real Bluffton eccentrics have left for the great beyond. Now along comes something called "eccentric exercises" for us all to enjoy.
  • It has been found that a half hour of eccentric exercise -- when you lower something to the ground -- is much more beneficial than concentric exercise -- when you lift up something from the ground. So I think that means when you pick up something, don't put it down all the way or don't pick anything up or ... hmm.

    Somebody said most Blufftonians are a lazy bunch, this could be a revelation to that oracle, and you know who you are. In any case, try not to strain yourself too much during the new year -- because you have it in writing you don't have to.

    Babbie Guscio is the social columnist for The Bluffton Packet. She can be reached at The Store on Calhoun Street.