I thought I'd made it. I'm 69 and managed to keep my self-esteem despite losing at soccer back in high school, getting a tooth knocked out by a bully in seventh grade and having to hear from Claudia, in eighth grade, that I was a really nice guy but she didn't want to go out with me. I won some; I lost some, but managed to get through it without deep psychological harm, parental interventions, lawsuits or bylaws.
Alas, this is all to change because, as you reported Oct. 12, the city of Beaufort is now using an app that will allow neighbors to photograph my yard on their Android or iPhone and report me without fear of being named.
Political correctness gone wild comes to Beaufort.
Now, I risk being labeled as sloppy or inattentive to goldenrod. Will I be forced to buy a grass catcher for my crummy old mower lest an aesthete of a neighbor should think that my detritus is out of alignment with the city's code? Will I need tranquilizers or decades of therapy to help me overcome the anxiety that I may have left three molehills undestroyed or, heaven forbid, a large poison mushroom too close to where the folks from down the street walk their dogs?
For that matter, if said pooches poop on my property, do I photograph the perpetrators under penalty of being prosecuted because the pernicious poo is on my petunias?
Help. Do you have an app for too many P's in a sentence?