Well Charm lovers, if you didn't know enough about the sex lives of your favorite Southern ladies and gents before, you certainly do now.
As promised, this week's "Southern Charm" episode focused heavily on the drama surrounding Kathryn Dennis possibly being pregnant with Thomas Ravenel's baby. But we also learned that Shep does indeed use protection and that Jenna has a "crystal meth vagina." Not exactly sure that that means, but it sounds like it should strike fear into the hearts of men.
The episode starts with T-Rav and Kathryn getting schnockered at a restaurant and arguing about Kathryn needing to take a pregnancy test. When Kathryn takes a test, however, it comes up as an error. Odd, but not too surprising since there was probably more wine than pee on that stick. Kathryn insists she must go to a real doctor to find out for sure and invites T-Rav to come along.
In the morning, T-Rav brings her coffee (again), hugs her goodbye and waltzes over to Shep's place to share the news.
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Poor Shep answers the door with a serious case of bed-head and is still rubbing sleep from his eyes when T-Rav suggests he and Shep take a paternity test, taking Shep's past fling with Kathryn into account.
"This isn't right, man," Shep says, adding that he used protection. "There's a 99.9 percent chance I'm not the father."
T-Rav admits he didn't take the same precautions, to which Shep simply replies, "Shouldn'ta done that."
Leaving Thomas to mull over his mistakes, Shep goes tuxedo shopping for JD's upcoming Carolina Day party. Yes, Carolina Day is a real thing. We checked. According to the South Carolina Historical Society, Carolina Day celebrates the American victory at the Battle of Sullivan's Island on June 28, 1776.
Shep invites Cameran along for fashion advice and uses the opportunity to spread the word that Kathryn might be with child. Cameran is displeased by such tawdry and un-Southern-like behavior, then immediately goes to gossip about it with Jenna.
It's important to note that Jenna is also dating an older man. His name is Lou, he lives in New York and he is 55. That's 27 years older than 28-year-old Jenna.
Oh, but age is just a number, Jenna says. "You're just as old as you feel."
Nope, you're as old as you're old.
During a visit, Whitney marvels at Jenna's appeal to men. Another friend determines it must be her "crystal meth vagina" that keeps men coming back for more. Whitney also chalks it up to her prowess in the bedroom.
"I definitely never neglect the balls," she says.
Erm, TMI Jenna. TMI.
We go back to Shep, who is still trying and failing to win MJ's heart. The two cozy up to coffee and Shep even compliments her hair. But when he tries to casually ask her out on a date, she says her schedule is full.
It's OK Shep! MJ has a boyfriend anyway! Craig is delighted to deliver the news that Shep's yogi temptress is all tied up in a long-term relationship with a guy from Ohio. Shep is hurt but tries to play it cool. "Maybe it's good; a little kick in the pants," he says.
Craig happily agrees.
And finally, we get back to the doctor's office where Kathryn and T-Rav anxiously await their news. Pregnant or not pregnant?
The two celebrate by getting schnockered at another restaurant and going back to T-Rav's place.
We hope he learned his lesson.
BEST QUOTE: "Mom would have made a good dictator." -Whitney
WORST QUOTE: "I definitely never neglect the balls." - Jenna
BEST SHEP QUOTE: "Personality Plus is what I got."
WORST SHEP QUOTE: "Do you actually think that I care for a second about anybody else on Earth?"
BEST MOMENT: Cameran tries on and attempts to walk in Jenna's six-inch Louboutin heels. It was a valiant effort, but maybe only chicks with mohawks can rock shoes like that.
WORST MOMENT: T-Rav telling Kathryn she has a "certain vulnerability" that draws him in. He also says he thinks she has an old soul. Not old enough to bridge their 29-year age difference, if you ask us.