Speaking in tongues and handling snakes in paradise

dlauderdale@islandpacketApril 26, 2014 

You say, “Yecchhh!â€

JAY KARR — Staff photo Buy Photo

Friends told me they need a primer to translate the language of their so-called real world into our resort-speak.

We'll call our primer, "Praise the Lord and Pass an Unnecessary Vowel."

Here's a start:

You say "strip mall." We say "shoppes."

You say "harbor." We say "harbour."

You say "ditch." We say "lagoon."

You say "apartment." We say "villa."

You say "long meeting." We say "charette."

You say "bike path." We say "leisure pathway."

You say "toll road." We say "parkway."

You say "hotel room by the parking lot." We say "sunset view."

You say, "I can't find it." We say, "It's nestled beneath ancient, weeping oaks."

You say "5K." We say "only steps to the ocean."

You say "down here." We say, "Delta is ready when you are."

You say "traffic circle." We say "crash zone."

You say, "Yeccchhh!" We say, "It's just a lizard."

You say "sun stroke." We say, "It's a beautiful day in South Carolina."

You say "target practice." We say "fairway view."

You say "neighborhood." We say "vertical construction."

You say "gym." We say "wellness center."

You say "expensive." We say "boutique."

You say "erosion." We say "waterfront."

You say "snake." We say "hoola hoop."

You say "smells." We say "aromatherapy signatures."

You say "cockroach." We say "palmetto bug."

You say "middle of nowhere." We say "quiet retreat."

You say "swatting no-see-ums." We say "Lowcountry salute."

You say "18 holes." We say "championship golf."

You say "street lights." We say, "Bring your own night-vision goggles."

You say "overgrown." We say "nature preserve."

You say "street sign." We say "eye chart."

You say "partly cloudy." We say "partly sunny."

You say "24/7." We say "cocktail hour."

You say "wardrobe." We say "Salty Dog T-Shirt."

You say "sauna." We say "outdoors."

You say "tree." We say "Liberty Oak."

You say "bridges." We say "crossing."

You say "for-sale sign." We say "litter."

You say "wildlife." We say "Quarterdeck Lounge."

You say "long-range plan." We say "paperweight."

You say "snow shovel." We say, "What?"

You say "shoes." We say "flip-flops."

You say "sales office." We say "welcome center."

You say "visitor." We say "snowbird."

You say "food fight." We say "early bird special."

You say "sliver of land." We say "patio lot."

You say "trash haulers." We say "ecology team."

You say "birds of prey." We say "sea gulls."

You say "pre-fab." We say "stack-a-shack."

You say "part-time." We say "interval ownership opportunity."

You say "golf cart." We say "family sedan."

You say "sketchy." We say "boiled peanuts."

You say "snow sled." We say "patio planter."

You say "nice." We say "world class."

You say "green spray paint." We say "landscaping."

You say "muck." We say "pluff mud."

You say "gift shop." We say "lighthouse."

You say "odor." We say "marsh."

You say "gamble." We say "spec house."

You say "Fall." We say "shoulder season."

You say "it's not the heat, it's the humidity." We say, "It keeps the riffraff out."

You say, "It's a nice place to visit." We say, "It's a great place to live."

Follow columnist David Lauderdale at twitter.com/ThatsLauderdale.

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