A description of the president of the United States:

I am against armed guards in schools, but my children have 11 guards at their school.

I have 36 czars, but I am not a Russian.

I am for the wealthy doing their fair share, while my aunt lives in public housing and my half-brother lives in a shack.

I am for controlling global warming, but used 144,000 gallons of fuel going on my Hawaiian vacation.

I speak of fair and balanced budgets, but I have not created an acceptable budget in four years.

John Nicholson

Hilton Head Island