Get ready, get rich to survive Romney

info@islandpacket.comOctober 3, 2012 

Here's some advice for living with a Romney-Ryan administration and tea party-infected Republican majority in both houses of Congress.

Assessing the characteristics stressed by conservatives, emphasizing capitalism and social restrictions, I advise becoming an evangelical Christian, being rich or getting rich. Shelter your assets to avoid taxes, exploit every available government subsidy, relocate to an exclusionary gated community. Buy a gun.

If the first two "rich" options don't pan out, then don't be poor, don't get sick, don't lose your job, don't get old, don't be gay, don't be non-white or foreign, don't travel on crumbling bridges and don't live near fossil fuel extraction or refinement sites.

If you're female, don't expect equal rights, don't have sex outside marriage, don't get pregnant unless it's planned, don't get raped by a family member, friend or armed attacker, and be prepared to lose a "health of the mother" emergency. Don't expect equal pay, don't be a target for workplace harassment and don't be trapped in an abusive relationship.

If you're male, don't impregnate your wife unless you both want and can afford a baby and have adequate medical coverage and earnings to pay for all potential childhood health issues. And that's just the tip of the parenting iceberg.

If you're a child, don't have poor parents, don't have bad parents, don't live in a red state where education is an afterthought. Re-read and memorize these instructions.

Prepare for the worst, and don't be unlucky.

Sherry McKnight


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