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So if the pile of pine straw you were talking to couldn't keep you up to speed on all the bizarre stories of animals gone wild and criminals gone dumb that hit the area in the past year, pull up a seat in your rooftop
Bi-Lo shack and read the Packet's recap of the year in offbeat news. Bring your fishing net though, because there are rattlers here.
A 'POTOMATO?' COOL
You say tomato, I say potato.
Kimberly Chesney who works in Bluffton and lives in Lobeco had an odd harvest in her garden in 2007 and didn't know whether to say tomato or potato.
Chesney decided to grow potatoes in an area where she had grown tomatoes in previous years. Before planting her potatoes, she burned the field to wipe out any traces of tomato from the soil.
Still, when she harvested her crop, Chesney was surprised to find one of her potatoes sprouting what appeared to be cherry tomatoes.
According to several plant Web sites, potatoes do have flowers, which resemble tomatoes. But in normal circumstances these flowers dry up and fall off before producing fruit.
It's possible, though unlikely, that Chesney mistakenly grew a "topato" or "potomato." These plants, which are designed to grow potatoes underground and tomatoes above ground, are rare, however.
DID SHE CALL HILLARY THE B-WORD?
If you don't have something nice to say about someone, say it when national TV cameras are rolling and you'll become an Internet celebrity.
Wexford resident Linda Burke found that out when she asked Republican presidential candidate John McCain about then-Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton during a campaign stop on Hilton Head in November.
"How do we beat the bitch?" Burke asked, causing the candidate to sweat, stagger and try to recover. He responded with "But that's an excellent question," and launched into the explanation of a poll showing him beating Clinton in a national race. The video of the incident was circulated over the Internet and caught fire with liberal bloggers and wonks who criticized McCain for not denouncing the harsh language. YouTube videos of the incident have been viewed well over a million times.
McCain's camp rebuffed the critics, saying McCain has shown nothing but respect for Clinton. But the incident highlighted the impact of the Internet on politics and how quickly a small event on Hilton Head can gain worldwide attention.
IT'S A BIRD ... WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, A THANK-YOU NOTE?
An island couple saved a young snowy egret in early November that was otherwise doomed to drown, but the only thanks they got was a finger bite and peck on the nose.
Alberta Sheroski was enjoying a view of the marsh in Mariner's Cove when she saw the bird struggling in the water. She called her husband, B.J., a yacht captain working a few minutes away, who came to the bird's rescue.
A large clam had anchored the egret's foot. B.J. was able to pry it off with a knife. The Sheroskis called a vet, took the egret into their marshside condominium and dried it off with a hair dryer and towels. Several hours later, they tried to take it outside, but the egret flapped around the bedroom until B.J. cornered it. As he took it outside, the egret pecked his finger and nose before flying away across the marsh.
HELLO, MR. PINE STRAW
This drunken tale was heard around the world.
Internet "news" sites, talk radio and even Keith Olbermann of MSNBC latched onto the story of a 39-year-old islander who called for help, saying he was performing CPR on a dead woman.
When authorities arrived at the parking lot of Hilton Head Cabanas early that June morning, they found the man talking to a large bale of pine straw.
He told deputies five people had knocked on his door and wanted to party. A woman had asked him to come outside because there was a dead woman in the parking lot.
The man also thought it was Halloween.
No surprise here: Two empty bourbon bottles were found inside the home.
RATTLER RAGE
A crabber visiting Hilton Head's Burkes Beach clubbed a 5-foot-long Eastern diamondback rattlesnake to death in late June.
Lonnie Deal of Statesville, N.C., nearly stepped on the rattlesnake while he was walking on a path to get to his truck. At first Deal thought his family was playing a practical joke on him until the rattler zig-zagged across the path and retreated into a nearby creek.
Deal, worried the snake might hurt people on the other side of the creek, waded after the reptile and beat it to death with the handle of his crab net.
Readers of the article describing Deal's run-in with the rattlesnake took him to task for killing the snake.
Carlos Chacon of Bluffton, who manages natural history programs for the Coastal Discovery Museum, wrote a letter to the editor describing how populations of the Eastern diamondback rattlesnake are in sharp decline nationwide. The reasons? The snakes' natural habitats are shrinking. They get run over by cars. They also are killed by humans, which Chacon wrote often is "needless," because the public wrongly "perceives the snakes as a threat."
PECKING PROBLEM
Tom and Kathy Fromme probably never thought their Hilton Head vacation home would become a drilling site for pileated woodpeckers.
But in August, they found three softball-sized holes in the side of their house. It wasn't the first time their home had been attacked by birds.
The large red-mohawked woodpeckers are known for their loud screeches and jackhammer-like pounding, and are common on the island.
Their pecking cost the Frommes more than $6,000 in home repairs.
Unlike rats, squirrels, raccoons and other nuisance animals, pileated woodpeckers are protected by federal and state governments, which means trapping and shooting are out of the question.
So the Frommes put up fake owls and patched the holes, and hoped the woodpeckers would return to the trees.
THE CAT LADY
A 57-year-old woman had 38 cats staying with her in a Hilton Head motel room before she was kicked out.
The islander, who had been renting a 12-foot by 25-foot room at the Motel 6 on Marina Side Drive, stayed at the motel for months before the manager discovered the cats and called Beaufort County law enforcement.
The county's animal control division seized the cats, prompting the woman to threaten suicide.
The cats, depending on their condition, were either put up for adoption, returned to the woman or euthanized, while the woman received a mental evaluation at Hilton Head Regional Medical Center.
According to a sheriff's report, the total damage to the motel room, which was scratched up and stained with urine, was $2,000.
BLINDED BY THE LIGHT
Instead of using moonlight as a guide, a baby sea turtle -- one of the first to emerge from beachside nests on Hilton Head in July -- used an oceanfront home's bright lights. Rather than heading to the ocean, it ended up in a Palmetto Dunes swimming pool.
A Hilton Head code enforcement officer found the baby turtle swimming in the chlorinated pool when she arrived at the home to issue a warning for violating the town's lights-out policy.
Bright lights from structures along the beach, prohibited by Hilton Head after 10 p.m. from May to October, can cause baby loggerhead turtles to go the wrong direction, leading to an almost certain death.
The officer rushed the turtle to the sea, but said it had only a slim chance of survival. After loggerheads hatch from pingpong-ball-sized eggs buried beneath the sand, they have just enough energy to reach the Gulf Stream.
A LITTLE ISLAND LORE
Did you hear the one about the illegal immigrants living on the roof of a Bi-Lo supermarket on Hilton Head? Oh boy, did they have it sweet: a veritable shanty town, with pots and pans. Some crafty soul had even tapped into the air conditioning system because, let's face it, it gets hot up there.
This rumor about a colony of Hispanics living on an island grocery store roof has been around for years, but gained new life for some reason last summer. The Packet's newsroom kept getting calls and reports of the shanty town. But by all accounts from the Sheriff's Office, employees in the surrounding Circle Center shopping plaza and a Packet reporter who climbed up on the roof, there's no evidence of anyone ever setting up a settlement on a grocery store roof.
The rumor has continued to spread around the island, which over the years has been prone to spurious stories. Just ask Lindsay Lohan. She was in rehab here this year. Or so we heard.
